Struggling

Hey everyone,

This has been a bad week in terms of motivation.  I have had about zero.  Zero motivation.  I've gone over (way over) my calories at least three days this week, and have only exercised three times.  It's been really hard to make myself go down to the gym.  Normally, once I'm down there, I'm fine working out.  I'm glad I'm down there and I feel better all day.  This week, I have been forcing myself to get on the bike, and am resentful the whole time!  I don't know what's going on with me, but it's been a tough week.

I've also been craving a lot of junk food these past few days.  We went to our local bar for dinner one night.  We picked up an extra shift on Saturday for the managers at work, so we got sent home with two entrees, which we ate.  And I baked a Texas Sheet Cake to bring in to work on Easter.  We over ate with calories a lot this week, and I'm pretty sure I'll be up at weigh-in tomorrow.

I did try a new recipe substitution this weekend.  Texas Sheet Cake, for those who don't know, is a flat, dense chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.  It looks almost like brownies with frosting made of milk, powdered sugar, cocoa and butter.  I substituted half of the butter for avocado in the frosting, as well as in the cake which saved 1 1/2 sticks of butter.  It cut down the calories per serving by 14% (29 calories per piece) and the fat by 40%.  There was no taste difference, and no one at work noticed, which made me feel good and also sneaky.  I miss baking a lot, and that's the only baked good that I'll eat a lot of if you let me.  So, for Easter, I had cake for breakfast and snacks throughout the day, and more cake at night time.  It was bad.  I did work out after work, but I don't think it made up for it.

Even as I'm writing, I'm having hot chocolate!  I can't get focused this week.  Yesterday, I made myself put on workout clothes, worked myself up to going to the gym for another 15 minutes, finally went down there, and it was closed!  It was hard enough to make myself go down there the first time, and I had to do it again, later that day.  The second time I went down, the guy I always run into down there was working out on the treadmill, with his headphones on.  He had accidentally (or on purpose) locked the door and I couldn't get in, nor could he hear me knocking.  I had to motivate myself three times to go down there, and I hated every minute of it while I was on that stupid bike.  I was even reading one of my favorite books that I found at a thrift store, jamming out to my show tunes station on pandora, yet I was still miserable.  Today I couldn't even make myself get down there because I've had a killer headache all day.

I'm telling myself that next week will be better, and I will get my focus back.  I've noticed that we've been eating less veggies lately, so Tim is at the store now, picking some up for supper.  We are making chicken on the grill (breaking the lease agreement) and roasted veggies.  I don't normally condone rule-breaking, but our lease is up in less than two months, and we have to move anyway, so we're going for it!

I'm sharing my crappy week a day early, because I'm sure I'll be up at weigh-in tomorrow, and I wanted to let everyone know ahead of time!  I also have to work both jobs tomorrow, so there may not be time for my usual Wednesday post.

I wanted to share this mostly because these weeks are part of the weight-loss process.  I didn't gain weight every week when I was putting on the pounds, and I sure as hell won't lose weight every week while I'm taking them off.  Even when everything is going well, you're seeing progress, feeling better, and losing weight, you can hit a wall.  This week my wall was no motivation or drive.  Next time, it could be that I do everything right and gain that week.  No matter what, I just beat myself up a little bit when I have a setback, then move on.  Tomorrow starts a new week for me, and after weigh-in, I'll do better these next seven days.