Sorry I didn't get this up yesterday, but here it is. I weighed in at my meeting, and for the first time, I Turtled.. for those unfamiliar with TOPS lingo, that means my weight stayed exactly the same. No gain, no loss. I was thrilled! We went to Pendleton, OR for my TOPS conference, and we ate out each night we were there. There was also a fairly well known local brewery there, so we had to sample a few beers- how could we not?
The beers were great, and you could get them in a 5 ounce pour! Portion control! My favorite was a Beer Named Sue, Tim really liked High 'N' Rye.
The conference was held in the convention center next to their rodeo. As expected, it was filled with about 530 elderly men and women (mostly women). I saw two people who were maybe around my age, and one young girl with her mother. I couldn't believe how many skinny people were there! It completely reinforced what the speaker said, "You are still you, even if you're skinny." We will still have the same issues once we make it to our goal weight, we might still need the support to keep the weight off. Our speaker said she has to remember that she isn't a fat person about to burst out of a skinny woman's body. These women are still dealing with the emotional reasons they gained weight in the first place, even years after they have lost it.
I have never been self-conscious about my weight. I knew that I had gained more than I ever meant to, but I have always been a confident person. I don't look at someone else's weight and judge them for it, because I don't think that my size has any difference on how I see myself- why should it matter about someone else's? But, I did make the decision that it was time to lose weight because of how I felt physically. I missed being able to shop and pick up an outfit, not try it on, and leave the store right away with it. I missed playing volleyball and being active. I missed riding my bike. I wanted to feel better all the time and not get tired all the time or have to catch my breath. Basically, I want to be healthy! Appearance will always play a role in motivating me, I want to feel as confident in a swim suit as I do in my favorite jeans, but my weight doesn't give me value. Maybe being a book nerd inherently teaches you to value your mind over anything else (even when it isn't the sharpest mind out there).
I was sharing a few weeks ago about how it is easy to miss progress. While I've lost 21 pounds, it would be easy to see the fat person still looking at me in the mirror. I look at myself every day- so the progress can sneak along, undetected. But, the scale and my clothes don't lie. I remember that just because I don't see my arms as skinnier than they used to be, doesn't mean they aren't. And, it doesn't cheapen what I've done. I'm not doing this to look good. I'm doing this for me, I'm doing this for Tim, I'm doing it for my family, I'm doing this to show people that it can be done. I'm not doing this to be thin. Putting that much value into appearance is something I've never been able to comprehend. Issues of body image are extremely serious, and I am grateful and very fortunate not to have developed them. For a ton of information, the National Eating Disorder Association has resources for symptoms, treatment, and volunteer opportunities. It is a great source of information if anyone wants to take a look.
While at the conference, hearing these success stories of women who have lost over 100 pounds, gone from a size 28 to a size 6, I was hit with the idea that this is where I'm supposed to be. I want to be surrounded by these women who have conquered so much more than I could, and who are running around the conference hall. They are thrilled that they don't need to use the seat-belt extender when they fly, that they can walk straight out of a church pew instead of shuffling out sideways. I recognized my "small victories" because of them. I have to safety-pin my pants at work, I don't have to wear a tank top under another shirt to help hide my belly, I bought my first dress one size smaller, I bought a shirt without trying it on, in a size smaller and it fit! These are the victories worth celebrating, the unexpected perks of losing weight that make you feel awesome.
Sorry for the selfie (I'm not proud of it), but I realized this is the only picture I have of just the dress. Tim doesn't like to take pictures, so I have to do it myself!
I had a great time at the conference and learned a lot about the success of losing weight. All of the major losers (someone who lost at least 50 pounds) had the same advice: keep a food journal/progress journal, drink a lot of water, get moving, and use a support system. I have that support with TOPS, but a workout buddy or mentor will work just as well!! I took a lot of notes from the presentations, and will share that document here. Hope some of the tips work for you!
One last thought I had seeing these women who have lost so much to get to their goal weight: I had been told (a lot of times) that "maybe you're just not meant to be skinny" or "your body isn't built for running," and, I'm sorry for the language, but that is complete bullshit. These women didn't look like skinny-women-who-used-to-be-fat. They looked like women. You couldn't tell that they were heavy before. There is no asterisk following them around: *used to be fat. You can be as fat or as thin as you want to. Something they all had in common? They were happy and healthy.
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